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avatar His-ham 6 year.agoNSFW.. Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned." Priest: "What have you done my child?"

Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch." Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?" Girl: "Because he touched my hand." Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch." Girl: "Then he touched my breast." Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch." Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father." Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch." Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where." Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where) Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!" Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch." Girl: "But father he had AIDS!" Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"

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Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. Why don't skeletons fight each other?

Because they don't have the guts.

2. 420 joke I made up

what sound does 420 day make? . . . . Bong!

3. If 666 is all devil.

Then 25.806975 is the root of all devil.

4. Why can't orphans play baseball?...

Because they don't know where home is...

5. Am I ready to be a Dad?

Someone commented "I completely agree". I replied back "Hi completely agree. I am Mo".

6. I don't have a single bell installed in my house, yet still they haven't given me a...

Nobel Prize

7. Back in the glory days of the Roman Republic they had six Vestal Virgins who served the goddess Vesta.

One year several of them died of a plague, and it was essential that the number be brought back up to 6 so the various rites could be performed lest the Republic fall. Once the plague was over riders were sent to the four directions of the wind plus two to find replacements who had been born at the same moment the previous vestal virgins had died. When the riders returned they found they’d had brought back one too many. The recruits drew straws and the one with the short straw was free to go her way. But now here she was hundreds of miles—sorry, thousands of stadia—from home, with nothing to do. Being an enterprising young thing she started an olive oil company and grew it into the largest woman-owned business in the whole Republic. She sold only first-pressed, cold-pressed oil. People loved it and she named her company “Extra Virgin Olive Oil."

8. Who won the neck decorating contest?

It was a tie

9. What’s a sharks favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish…

10. What do you call a shop that sells disgusting fruit and vegetables?

A grossery.

11. My kids were pretending to be the national symbol of Canada.

They’re just playing maple leaf.

12. I was running a chicken dating website, but I had to close it down…

I was struggling to make hens meet.

13. Why should you always take your plastic surgeon to the gym before going under the knife?

To check their form when they do a face-lift.

14. What's the difference between being hungry and horney?

The place where you stick the cucumber

15. What's a cat's favorite color?

Purrgundy. I'm so sorry... I'll leave and never return...

16. I started investing in stocks

Beef, chicken, and vegetable. Someday soon I hope to be a bouillonaire.

17. Went to Easter Mass and the Catholic Priest got smoke on me.

I was incensed.

18. Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy walk into a bar

Bartender says, "Hi, Mom." (Woke up in the middle of the night with this in my head for no discernable reason.)

19. Joseph of Arimathea gave his personal, expensive and hand hewn tomb for Jesus burial. All his friends were astonished and asked why he would do this.

Joseph replied "He said he was only using it for the weekend."

20. I went for a walk today and I saw no people. I passed a slice of apple pie, a hot fudge sundae, and a piece of cheesecake.

The streets were strangely desserted.

21. Why should you always knock before opening the fridge door?

In case there's a salad dressing

22. I started drinking protein shakes and my wife says I look fat now

I guess I drink whey too much

23. I could tell you a pizza joke…

But it would probably be cheesy

24. How do you lure a pervert? (NSFW)

Just add the NSFW tag.

25. What does an Italian need when he says his joints are hurting?

An olive oil change..

26. What is a witch’s favorite shape?

HEXagon

27. It would be cool if I could 3-D print a copy of my own face

But I'm getting a head of myself

28. how long should you cook little mexican dogs for?

chihuahuas

29. How come they call it "living in the Arctic"...

...and not "ice-olation"?

30. Why do dogs stop and sniff every lamppost and bush they pass on their walk?

They are checking their pee-mail. My dad’s original dad joke. RIP Papa.

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